TOPIC 5: Anong Mas OK na Tsinelas, Havainas o Rambo?

Ako yung Pro-Havaianas, Sorry Naman.

Moonwalkerwiz Says: Rambo — Tsinelas ng Tunay na Pilipino

Computer-generated na Rambo.

Hindi mo na talaga alam ang trip ng mga tao ngayon eh. Balik ka bandang 1996, 1997, aasahan mo bang magsusuot ang mga tao ng tsinelas sa SM?

TSINELAS SA SM?

Dati hindi pwede yun. Ang tsinelas, para yan sa kalsada, sa bahay, sa palengke, sa baha, sa barberyahan, sa isawan, sa kubeta – pero hindi yan pwede sa mall. Pag nagtsinelas ka sa mall dati, mukha kang poor.

Ngayon, pwede na ang tsinelas sa mall. Bakit? Dahil ang tsinelas ngayon, P 700 at minsan umaabot pa ng lakpas P 2,500 na. Alam ko. Tangina. Ang tawag dyan sa tsinelas na yan, Havainas o Havs. Kayraming may suot nyan ngayon sa SM, Trinoma, MOA, Megamall, at sa iba pang malls at lugar.

Kung anong nakain ng mga Pilipino at bumibili na sila ngayon ng ganito kamahal na tsinelas ay isang maitim na sikretong maaaring ‘di natin kailanman malalaman. Pero isa lang ang masasabi ko: WALANG KWENTA ANG LAHAT NG YAN NUNG PANAHON NG RAMBO.

TOPIC 4: Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen: Optimum PRIZE or MegaTRASH?

Moonwalkerwiz Says: To Hell With Intellectual Content. We. Want. Explosions!

Surely, all those missiles, robot parts, and babes deserve at least 3 out of 5 stars?

Had I not read reviews of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen before I watched the film, I would have been shocked to see that it’s now only hitting 22% on the Tomato Meter. Most critics have panned the film, saying that it’s too loud, too long, and underplotted.

Well, here’s the gist of my take on Transformers 2. (1) Transformers 1 was clearly better, but (2) If you want a thrilling break from your bleak and dry life, this movie is definitely worth watching. That is why I’m giving it 3 out of 5 stars.

The Plot You May Have a Hard Time Understanding While Watching the Film

Of course this movie has a plot. Critics are being exaggerated when they tell you it has no plot at all. One critic also said that its plot was unintelligible. Now, that is closer to the truth.

Magnifika Says: Transformers 2 is More Like A Lullabye Than A Movie

I’m no Transformers geek, but I can tell that the mainstream will definitely fall for the corniness that is Transformers 2 because you know for sure that geeks are way smarter than the average joe for the former to be capable of hating something they hate to hate. I slept through most of the film because the consistency of the explosions made my ears immune to the noise that the overstyled movie started to lull me to sleep. I slept through it for the following reasons:

1. The twins who are trying to be funny are the stars for a few minutes, and then the next moment, you don’t see them anymore. (Or maybe because I slept through it?) But really, they look like they were in the movie just to increase sales for Transformers collectibles.
2. Marijuana doesn’t make you a lunatic so no, you don’t run around the school screaming like shit and selling your son to college girls. It’s just cannabis sativa. It’s not even meth!
3. Michael Bay directed the film not because he is brilliant, not because he actually cares for the script, not because he is funny, but just because he is into explosives. If you direct Transformers, then let this movie be about Transformers!
4. Too much Linkin Park. I’ve had enough in 2000, please!
5. It’s been established that shooting Decepticons with guns is like getting an ant to bite your right foot. And then you see humans continuously firing bullets to them. Endlessly firing bullets. Endlessly. Endlesslyyyy! I don’t understand what it so unclear about Decepticons not getting affected by bullets. So humans, please don’t shoot. It’s useless. What’s so difficult to understand? Why are you shooting again? Please stop it my ears are blee—
6. Megan Fox is suddenly a groupie! What happened to the Mikaela in Transformers (1) who used to be in control? If not for her boobs, I don’t know why her character is still necessary in the movie.
7. I hope Steven Spielberg just sticks to films like Schindler’s List or Saving Private Ryan. He knows the drill. Producing this film is acceptable, but allowing Michael Bay to direct the movie and release it as it is, is a crime.
8. A robot suddenly gets horny, but I don’t understand how robots can actually get horny over a human being. Well, it’s Michael Bay — the director who thinks it’s hilarious to see John Turturro wearing a thong.
9. Megan Fox is suddenly a damsel in distress whose hair stays perfect and whose white pants remain immaculately white even in the middle of the desert, explosions and dust and all.
10. Megan Fox disappointed the straight males in the audience for being quite suggestive in some few scenes and then not showing anything but her cleavage, which is the same reason why these straight males suddenly forgot they were actually watching a PG-13 film.

I only have a few pointers for the movie because I didn’t see it all. I slept through most of the parts. I don’t regret sleeping in the movie house, because that would mean more bashing on this blog, and I wouldn’t have enough time to write stuff for my client (which is the more important thing to do right now).

TOPIC 3: UPCAT: The Movie — Pass or Fail?

“UPCAT” is directed by Roman Olivares and written by Alfred Geoffrey Reyes. Actors Felix Roco (Bembol Roco’s son), Joseph Roble, and Hiyasmin Neri play the lead roles. Starring alongside them are Bembol Roco, Mark Gil, Richard Cuan, and Malou Crisologo.

The story basically centers around the trio of Lucas (Felix Roco), Joaquin (Joseph Roble) and Jane (Hiyasmin Neri). Lucas, who’s poor, is madly in love with Jane, who’s rich. Joaquin is Lucas’ best friend. The two come to the conclusion that passing the UPCAT and enrolling in UP would level the playing field for Lucas, making him a more suitable partner for Jane. Lucas’ dad disapproves of his UP ambition because he has a “dark” secret which is later revealed in the story.